I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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