theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
