its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
