Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
