you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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