Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
