the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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