sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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