Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
