I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
