So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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