If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
