I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize