i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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