awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize