just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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