literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
