If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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