Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
