i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
we made out on top of his cat.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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