I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
