Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
