We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
