when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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