Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
