So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
