After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
