So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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