there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You may now shotgun with the bride
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
