We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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