hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
