my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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