how can u be prego again
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
