well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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