You're my little dorito
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize