Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
