the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
