I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
