I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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