You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
