I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
