dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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