1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
