i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
