But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Mom said you looked used
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
