i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
