dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Holy shit dude........stairs
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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