DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
