I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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