it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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