well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
