i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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