reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
