we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Randomize
