i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
