In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
