I love black thongs
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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