Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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