gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
