Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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