I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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