Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
