; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
