I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
