I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
