Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(302): View more from Delaware

I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.

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(361): View more from Texas

As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.

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(217): View more from Illinois

She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop

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(480): View more from Arizona

I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.

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(310): View more from California

Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.

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(415): View more from California

Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.

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(253): View more from Washington

I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?

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