I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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