Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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