He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
