That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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