Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize