Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
two words: eviction party
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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