Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
