the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
