thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
