I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize